i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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