Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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