ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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