he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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