I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
