All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
