i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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