Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
