fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
