The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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