the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
