Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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