We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
