So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
