I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
