if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
