I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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