Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
