My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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