she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
