Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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