Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
