He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
