remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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