Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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