anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
