dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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