You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
