I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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