toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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