This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
