Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
