Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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