This girl is more easily done than said...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
