I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
