What a fucking waste of an outfit
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
