he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So squirting runs in the family.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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