I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
