I want to make a zoo with you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
