$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
