Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
