I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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