It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
