Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
try to milk me bitch
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