Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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