So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
