the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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