Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
