i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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