giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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