Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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