Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
