Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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